Have love in your hearts but repress the tendency to appear devout. St. Mary Mazzarello

Free me from my desire to be loved and esteemed. Guard me from my evil attempts to win fame and honor. Bl Alphonsa of India

While offering up the sacrifice of praise let us make every endeavor to put meaning into our observance, to fill meaning with love, our love with joy, and our joy with realism; let that realism be tempered with humility and our humility be buoyant with liberty. St. Bernard of Clairvaux

In German, there is an expression “Schein Heilig”, which could be translated as “Glittering holiness”. I suspect most of us have been guilty of it and I know I have. In fact, church assemblies can encourage it. Looking back on my rural roots, it was considered essential to put on one’s “Sunday best” for going to church. Blessed Alphonsa’s and St. Mazzarello’s  words on the matter are pointed: “evil attempts to win fame and honor” and “appear devout”

Wanting others to think we are holier than most is one thing, but I believe the deeper and more subtle intent of these quotes has to more to do with our desire for others’ attention and acclaim but our own! It’s been said that the biggest lies are those we tell ourselves. Perhaps that is why Jesus taught his disciples to pray privately so that they “won’t be tempted to role-play before God…so that the focus will shift from you to God” (Matt. 6-6, The Message)

To avoid such temptations, St. Bernard suggests that we begin with an inner disposition to incorporate an awareness of God’s love into our “sacrifices of praise”. It changes everything.  Prayer may then become an experience of  freedom born out of the joy of deep knowledge of God’s love of us. It’s quite a chain of progression: meaning-love-joy-realism-humility-liberty.

St, Bernard’s chain concludes with a “liberty” that arises from humility. I think it has something to do with a shift from the false self (which wants to look good to others and oneself) and the true self (who we are in God’s love). When I no longer  need to prove anything to others and to myself, I am liberated to love my “neighbor”

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In calling for a ‘civilization of love’…we are bound to seek the tranquility and progress of society that are only possible with a transparent life, which is the life God asks us to live. St. Paula Monta Fornes

Let us speak the truth in our hearts and not practise treachery with our tongues, so that by pouring forth charity more and more in our hearts, the Spirit of truth may teach us recognition of all truth. St. Bede the Venerable

I wonder what it would be like to live in a “civilization of love”. It would mean that wherever we went, whatever the level of connection, we would not be lied to. Think of how trust levels would increase as the deceitful  barriers came down. Now that would be a true utopia. “We shor nuff aint thar yet”

I have always wondered about the term, “white lie”. While I don’t want to seem overly scrupulous about these matters, my sense is that once you become more comfortable about lying (even in “small” matters) it becomes easier and easier to play fast and loose with the truth. One’s white lies become grey, and in some cases black.

I have heard all kinds of resistance to my views on this matter. The most common one seems to be “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”. Another is the extreme case of how you would respond if you are harboring a refugee and the revolutionaries come to the door and ask if you have seen that person. (My response to that hypothetical question is that lying is the lesser of two evils) On the clearly “white lie”  side of things, I think it’s very much OK to lie when asked,  “Why were you away for five hours?” if you had been selecting a special birthday gift for them.  

I suspect that most people intuitively know that love and deceit cannot co-exist. I know of a situation in which a refugee who had been engaged to someone from her country was informed by her mother that her (the refugee’s) fiancé had been killed in conflict. It was only many years later that the refugee discovered the truth: her fiancé had not been killed and her mother had blocked all attempts by him to locate her. At that point, this refugee no longer spoke of her mother—and-more pointedly— no longer wore the bracelet which had been a precious parting gift from her mother.

Yes, deceit is the enemy of love. In John 8:44 we read that Jesus is pretty blunt about it. Satan is the “father of lies”. No great surprise, I suppose, as however we imagine ‘evil’, most will agree that somehow it is the opposite of love. (Both love and evil remain the great mysteries of our existence)   Because we are gifted with freedom of choice (however limited that may be due to circumstance or genetics), we always have a choice to be truthful. I don’t think it’s a “one time” decision, rather I believe it’s the work of a lifetime

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So faith, hope, and love remain, these three, but the greatest of these is love. St. Paul the Apostle

Humility, simplicity, charity, Above all, charity, Bl Emilie Tavernier Gamelin

If you truly want to help the soul of your neighbor, you should approach God first with all your heart. Ask him to fill you with charity, the greatest of all virtues, with it you can accomplish what you desire. St. Vincent Ferrer

These holy ones seem to have realized that in the pursuit of virtuous living, love is the fuel that energizes the other two. Why? Among other reasons, I would speculate that it’s because faith easily becomes externalized in ritual and knowledge, and hope can often be confused with optimism.

There are few people who would argue about the importance of virtue. The problem lies in confusing appearance with inner reality, in other words, it’s pretty easy to appear simple, humble, hopeful, and even charitable. Simplicity can be shown in a certain style of clothing while ignoring that they may have been produced in a factory where workers are exploited. False humility can be displayed by one’s discomfort with praise:  Saying “Ah, shucks, it was nothing”. What about looking charitable by having one’s name inscribed on a church wall or hospital wing?  St. Vincent’s use of the word heart is a critical reminder of where true love/charity  resides. (The use of “charity” rather than “love” may be part of the problem:  us love is about connection while charity can denote distance).

As with all matters of the soul, it gets down to motivation: why are you doing what you’re doing? When giving money to a street beggar, do you so it because you realize that she is your sister in the wide and diverse family of humanity? Do you make eye contact with that person? Do you contribute because you truly sense a “heart connection”; i.e., compassion rather than pity? When you donate money to a local charity, do you attempt to make some connection with the people your money is supporting? What would happen if tax forms would use the term “Love donations”.  I wonder.

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Faith lifts the staggering soul on one side; hope supports the other.  Experience says it must be, and Love says let it be. St. Elizabeth Ann Seton

I suspect that most of us have been “staggering souls” at crisis points in our life. Such times of trouble often involve the loss of love or loved one. St. Elizabeth is correct in comparing faith and hope to being literally held up after a severe injury, perhaps as a kind of spiritual first aid. However, there often is a need for longer term ‘treatment’.

Experience is probably the greatest of life’s teachers and can lead to acceptance, a final stage of grieving. The ultimate challenge, however, is whether the acceptance will be of the “grudging” kind. By including love in the “treatment”, the Saint points to a certain kind of acceptance, which is nothing less than a trusting surrender—that what happens, despite its tragic quality, somehow belongs in the wide spectrum of transcendent love. In other words, all things happen within a universe that is fundamentally benign. As was revealed to the mystic Julian of Norwich: “All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

 Rationalization in these matters is seldom helpful, in fact, it serves as a kind of shield against acceptance. It’s faith/trust at its most raw form, well expressed in the Lennon McCartney song Let it be, based on a dream of his deceased mother telling him “It will be alright, just let it be”. It’s a good example of motherly love, universally regarded as closest to an unconditional love. Can we trust in the unconditional quality of love of the Great Mystery?