Please Note: The Saints’ quotes in this section are consistent with their trust and faith in the incarnation of Jesus, the Universal Christ as a living witness to God’s love. It is a love that ultimately led to Jesus’ death on a cross. As such, Jesus witnessed to a great Mystery:  God’s “at-one-ment”—the Great Compassion of the Divine.

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[She] vowed “to become a holocaust for Jesus in the way of love and sacrifice and to follow the spotless lamb”, in reference to Bl. Katherine Celestyna Faron

In suffering I find so great a love for our Jesus that I could die. Bl. Maria Pilar Izquierdo Albero

Suffering is Love; the Law is love. Bl Mariam Baouardy

Regardless of how we may try to make sense of pain and suffering, one reaches a point in which explanations fail to satisfy. Yet these three quotes assert a strong, if not essential, connection between love and suffering.

There is a common tendency to be thankful for the good times, with some loudly proclaiming: “Thank you, Jesus!”. But what about the inevitable bad times? Humanly speaking, many would regard suffering as punishment and/or a refusal of God to give us what we need or “want”.  (I recently learned of a study in which it was found that twenty percent of cancer sufferers feel that they are being punished).

Those of us who have experienced the trials of parenting teenagers know full well that it is not always a Hallmark Movie experience. Perhaps the hardest part is that from the teen’s perspective, all of his/her problems derive the parents’ meanness of spirit. I wonder if similar dynamics may apply to how we relate to God during times of trouble.

Blessed Mariam states it rather bluntly: authentic love is inherently linked to pain and suffering. I personally know the ecstatic joy of holding my firstborn and the unspeakable agony of seeing her lifeless body on a hospital bed nearly fifty years later. I have given up trying to make sense of it, to understand how this untimely death “fits” within the framework of a loving God. What I am learning though, is that in the years since her passing, I have become more open to trust in a love that transcends the limitations of earthly life. Occasionally—no doubt through the mystery of grace,  I dare to acknowledge that my daughter’s passing has served as an opening to new life and love. Nonetheless, the pain of loss remains.  

In the Bible we read of Job, a seemingly decent human being, who was assailed by one loss after another. His so-called friends insist that his woes can be traced back to God’s punishments for sin, despite no evidence of Job’s wrongdoings. Ultimately, Job acknowledges and accepts his limited human perspective: I know that You (God) can do all things and that no purpose of yours can be hindered. I have dealt with great things that I do not understand, things too wonderful for me which I cannot know (Job 42: 1-4).

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In the trials, annoyances, and anxieties we daily experience, may we ever recognize that loving Fatherly hand that only seeks to draw us closer to himself by giving us opportunities to suffer something for him. St. Edith Stein

[She] vowed “to become a holocaust for Jesus in the way of love and sacrifice and to follow the spotless lamb”. [A reference to Bl. Katherine Celestyna Faron]

In suffering I find so great a love for our Jesus that I could die. Bl. Maria Pilar Izquierdo Albero

It would be easy to misinterpret these quotes as portraying a rather sadistic God. However, when we regard the inevitable “trials, annoyances and anxieties” of everyone’s life as opportunities to grow in love, a new perspective emerges. A loving parent knows that one of the prime needs of children is that of structure—not for the sake of control, but for the child’s development and safety. From the child’s point of view, it doesn’t always feel loving.  However, when parents act in a spirit of genuine care and love for the child—rather than responding to their own (often suppressed) issues— the child is given the space and boundaries that make for healthy growth. Such discipline is never harsh and abusive, though at times it does require firmness and I believe kids know, at some inchoate level, when parents and caregivers act out of love.  

It's unfortunate that the word “discipline” is sometimes associated with painful punishment (as in “I had to discipline him”). Its roots are actually related to teaching and learning. (For example, professors self-identify with and usually love their “discipline”, i.e., area of study) The followers of Jesus are known by a word closely related to discipline (disciples). ,

 It’s important to remember that there exists an “open-ended” quality of life as we know and experience it. A measure of freedom is built into the universe and with it a degree of uncertainty. So, there is a certain inevitability to pain and suffering. (I am reminded of my late daughter’s understanding of her rare disease as a “genetic fluke”) Though it may seem that way, I continue to trust that a loving God does not deliberately send us trials to “test our mettle”.

The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus the Christ reveal a life grounded in an intimacy of love with the Father. As such, they reveal a kind of template for how we are to approach life in both its pain and glory. It’s good to remember that even Christ prayed to be delivered from his impending torture and execution. Rather than relying on the Father’s love, he could have decided to arm his followers and initiate an insurrection. However, his choice was to continue in his mission of love to the end.  

At first blush, St. Edith’s suggestion that we should seek to “suffer something for God”. is a bit disconcerting. However, she makes that statement after affirming her faith in a God of love, so in effect she is praying to “suffer something for Love.

The connection between pain can feel senseless and yes, loveless.  I know that words can be of little or no comfort in the midst of pain, suffering, death, and abandonment. Indeed, often “words of comfort” are heard as a trivialization or outright denial of another’s pain.  More than anything else, in their suffering people need the compassionate  presence of a fellow human being as a presence of that mysterious and dynamic  force field of love.