We become what we love and who we love shapes what be become. If we love things, we become a thing. If we love nothing, we become nothing. St. Claire of Assisi

The things that we love tell us what we are. St. Thomas Aquinas

The essence of what the Saints Claire and Aquinas are saying here is that no matter how difficult it can be to define love, it has to do with connection and that non-connection eats away at the core of who we are. Furthermore, if all we love are “things’, then we ourselves become that. Maybe it’s not so much about the obvious “materialism”, but rather how we relate to the world we inhabit.

What is the essential difference between loving a thing and loving a person? Perhaps the best term ever used is that only among persons is there an I-thou bond, which is the opposite of an I-it relationship. The latter is about connections that are based on need fulfilment, while I-thou relationships involve a connection of two selves. When one person in a relationship feels that they are being ‘used”, the bond is severely fractured.  We seek to connect at that deep level in which the depth and complexity of who I am in my core interacts or intersects with who the other is in their depth. Putting it simply, it could be said that I-thou is about “who-ness”

All of this raises an important question about how we relate to the Divine—I-t or I-thou? An honest exploration of one’s prayer life may shed light on the matter.

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Lust for riches, properly speaking, brings darkness on the soul, when it puts out the light of charity, by preferring the love of riches to the love of God. St. Augustine

The love of money is the root of all evil. St. Paul the Apostle

It’s interesting how St. Augustine uses two quite different words for ‘attraction’—lust and charity (love). He is also very clear: unholy desires are of the darkness while true love (charity) exists under the light of God’s love. It’s a study in opposites: love/lust, light/darkness, and money/God.

Paul’s words from Timothy are often misquoted as “money is the root of all evil.”. Of course, in and of itself, money is simply a way of doing business, especially when living within an increasingly complex economic network. However, love of money reflects priorities. When we hoard wealth, we are bound to become more selfish and less inclined to give (or give “only so much”), hence less loving. Because love of neighbor and love or God are intertwined, we cannot really love God while being selfish. In other words, love of neighbor (expressed in what one does for others) is not optional. By going through the external manifestations of loving action (e.g.giving away lots of money and making sure one is recognized for it) people can tell themselves that they can love God, neighbor, and money at the same time.

In Exodus 20:5 and other places, we read that the God of the Israelites is a “jealous God”. Does that mean that  the God of  Abraham  is selfish and ready to wreak havoc on someone who does not love Him enough? I tend to think that the term ‘jealous” is fundamentally about the kind of relationship God wishes with us, an expression of God’s giving primacy to (authentic) relationships. Just as in a loving marriage, the spousal relationship needs to be priority number one.  

I don’t think we have it both ways—we either love God or we love money. It’s not money, per se but what we do with it once basic needs are taken care of. Perhaps a good question to ask is whether or not the “extra” money will serve to boost your love of God and neighbor. It’s a deeply personal question for which there are no pat answers. Once again, it seems to get down to honesty with oneself. As the old Gospel song put it, “You gotta walk that lonesome valley…nobody else gonna walk it for you.”

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We ought to love what Christ loved on earth, and to set no store by those things which He regarded as of no account. St. John Vianney

So what did Jesus love in his brief time on earth? The Gospels strongly suggest that it was people! He may well have liked the sea of Galilee, but I doubt that he loved it in the same sense that he loved Peter. It is a beautiful world and being present to that beauty can lift the mind and heart to God, but it’s not the “give and take” of relationships with people. After all, while a sunset can be awe-inspiring, there is nothing you can do by way of giving to that sunset in order to make it a grander sunset. 

St. John Vianney is telling us not to expect from “things” what they are simply not able to give. If you believe that your life will find its fulfilment in that Mediterranean cruise, you almost certainly will be disappointed. In a different sense, you be disappointed by what people you trust may do, but such developments can also be opportunities tor forgiveness, hence occasions to grow in love. Though you may be angry with how the “cruise of a lifetime”  turned out, you cannot forgive the cruise itself. It may be  may be tempting to sue the owners, but if successful, you will  be given some money, a poor substitute for forgiveness.

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